I Had One Nerve Left and a Dog Got On It!!!

          The Culprit!







Look at him.  Everyone LOVES him!  Sweet, gentle, and kind Gibbs.  But...like his namesake from NCIS, he can take control in a heartbeat without blinking an eye!  His mission was to escape and follow his fellow Partners in Crime down to the river for a swim on this hot day.  Gibbs is not like his friends though; once he is out, he is a wanderer and before you know it he is miles away.  

This week, I was inside cooking Chicken Divan for dinner which would slowly but surely, become Chicken Disgusting!  Suddenly the dogs started to bark as though there were an unwelcome intruder entering our compound.  So, thus the excitement begins...  I go outside to see Gibbs strolling down our driveway and OUT of his fenced pasture!  "Dang! " I exclaimed...well, it may have been somewhat harsher.  I call him.  "Gibbs, you come back here right now!"  Gibbs is a supposed trained obedience and Therapy Dog.  Not today.  He gave me a look...and if he had fingers I most certainly know what they would have been doing.  "Curses!", I said!
I am screaming in my loudest "Go Gamecocks" voice, "Get back here or I'm gonna beat your butt, Gibbs Miller!!!"  Suddenly our neighbor, Danny arrives because he can hear me, and he knows that nothing good is going on at the farm when he hears this! So, off we go on his four-wheeler to look for Gibbs.  No luck.  We see paws though...very big paws so we know he has gone down to the river.  Danny says, "you take the four-wheeler, and I will take my truck."  Well, the problem is, I don't really know how to drive a four-wheeler.  But not wanting to look stupid or afraid, I said, "OKAY!!!"  So off I go! 

About halfway down the LONG gravel road I run into one of my neighbors.  (The one that loves dogs..thank God)  He says, 'Where ya' goin', hot rod?"  He's a funny guy, he is.  He can actually tell that I absolutely know nothing about the vehicle that I am driving.  I tell him that I am looking for Gibbs.  He says, "Now Marianne, it is getting dark and you KNOW the boars come out this time of night!"  I said, "Well, this will outrun them!"  Well, he is a real boar hunter, and he just kind of laughed, and said,  "Ha ha..yeah...can this thing go 40 mph?"   "Heck, I can't even figure out how to get it to go past first gear!!!"  He looked at me like, "Dumb chick...let's pray she doesn't run into one of those 350 pounders!!"  So, off I go to find my dog that is in a lot of trouble!!!  Well, about 1/4 mile down the trail I find a tree down.  I say to myself, "OK, self, Danny says this thing will go over a tree...Let's get-er-done!"  First I had to say a prayer that went something like this, "Dear God, you know I'm stupid for my animals.  Please protect this dumb chick from any mishaps!"  I go right over that tree!  "Thank you, dear Lord!"   Over the river and through the woods...hunting a dumb dog we go! (sing it now!)  Finally I get to the end of the trail... 3 miles and no Gibbs!  I pull up right behind my neighbors house...the ones that I am sure hate our dogs because they "thought" they were going to be out in the wilderness on our property,  in the peace and quiet.  "Oh no!!!"  Actually it was a little more explicit in my tired mind.  They were just getting home from work.  Imagine having a difficult day performing surgery all day and coming home to find your crazy, animal-loving neighbor on your driveway driving a four-wheeler and screaming "Gibbs!!!!!"  Needless to say, he didn't say a word and I am still embarrassed!  I finally, totally worn out, arrive home and who do you think was waiting for me in the driveway soaking wet and looking at me like, "where ya' been?"  Gibbs!  Scoundrel!!!  The four-wheeler no longer works, the fences are mended, the chicken is burned, and I am still embarrassed, but what else is new?  Life on the farm.

We Can Cheer You Up, Mom!

"Life isn't always sunshine and roses, my darling."  That is what my precious Daddy used to say to me when I was down or just in a crabby PMS mood as a teenager.  But he was right.  Life surely isn't always sunshine and rainbows.  In fact, sometimes it just gets right nasty!!!  Life got literally nasty for the Mom of the Ark today.  I spent all morning , digging through a literal mountain of trash that in what they call The Landfill.  For 20 years, I had hidden something very very special to give to The Little Sweetie when she turned 25.   No one would find it.  Well, no one will ever find it now for sure...not even me!   It was accidentally folded up in something yesterday while they were finishing our floors, and thrown into the landfill in the late afternoon.  I didn't realize it was missing until last night.   Too late.  I went to the landfill at 7:30 a.m, but they had already bulldozed.  I dug anyway.  My dear sweet friends who helped me dig, got into some insulation and they were burning and itching so we decided to go home!  Of course we had no success.  Depressed wasn't even the word.

I came home to find sweet members of The Ark wanting  food and wanting to console me as well.  I walked around them in a "zombie like state" all day.  Those eyes...those eyes...  They look at you as though they can read your soul .  Animals are God's way of cheering us up in so many ways.  Animals are God's very special angels sent to us.   

Thank you, Dear Lord for sending them our way, and giving us a heart big enough to take them in.

                                        

First of Healthy Recipes from The Ark

Besides being the caretaker of The Ark,  I am also a trained Health Educator, which means I spent years learning how to persuade others that taking care of themselves for a longer healthier life is the way to go.  Being riddled with High Blood Pressure, Heart Disease, Lung disease, and Diabetes is not where we want to go if we can help it.   I have to say that it used to be much easier for me to be a "great role model" because I was lithe, had tons of energy, and was even pretty once upon a time.  However, age and genetics can catch up with you for sure.  I am still crazy (in a good way), and have a ton of great ideas to help people stay on track with their health.  Inside, I am doing great ,really.  I have excellent cholesterol and no other problems except this genetic predisposition for what I call Loopty-Loop (Lupus).  Loopty-Loop has made me ache and things hurt a lot.  I keep on though.  I am just not quite the Energizer Bunny in a leotard and tights like I once was.  But that is ok, because I would sure hate to put on a leotard anyway!  Ugggggggg!


When I was the Exercise and Dietary Guru of this town, all of my students wanted me to open a healthy restaurant.  Well, you can imagine what Harvard said about that!  So, I never did.  However, I never quit eating healthy...except for my somewhat addiction to Chocolate which managed to get 100 times worse once the Little Sweetie was introduced to it herself by our sitter, whom I dearly love!   So, from the time she was five years old until about 5 months ago, I steadily put on about 25 pounds that manages to follow me everywhere I go!   I am trying and I have lost maybe 4 pounds since she has left for college, which is amazing for me!!!  I LOVE to cook!  However, what I cook is not what most people in Cleveland County, North Carolina want to eat .  If I see a piece of fatty red meat in the grocery store, I consistently get a mental image of the tubes of blood that were drawn from so many of our patients here in Cleveland County.  Once the blood is spun to be sent to the lab, the fat settles to the bottom of the tube.  I have to tell you that it is hard to imagine that this incredibly sticky, disgusting stuff is actually floating around in some person's blood, but it is.  I have seen many tubes of blood like this!  No wonder the arteries in the heart and the brain get clogged and cause heart attack and stroke!  So, for a long time I have been all about eating healthy.   I try very hard to adhere to a healthy diet, but once in a while the old sweet tooth causes me a problem!  When I cook, I very rarely go by a recipe.  I am very creative and if I read a recipe it is as though I am not using my brain.  Sometimes I will look at a recipe to get a basic idea.  Then I will do what I want to make it healthier.  


Tonight I made up a new dish that I called Chicken Enchilada Florentine.  Here is a picture of it after I took it out of the oven.  Don is a great person to try new creations on.  He is honest!  If it tastes like coo-coo, he will say, "You've made better..."  That is my cue to never make THAT again!   He liked the Chicken Enchilada Florentine very much though! So, here it is!!!

With the spinach on top, be honest...are you gagging yet?  I'll bet several of my down home Cleveland County born and raised friends might be.  But trust me, it is delicioso!  Here's how it's done according to Mama Miller's throw, pinch, and dab recipe.

Ingredients:

3 Fresh skinless chicken breasts, either shredded or chopped small

Rotele (adds fire!!!)

spinach ( 1 cup)

shredded cheddar cheese, feta cheese, and mozzarella cheese

about a teaspoon of chili powder, a bit of cumin to taste, a dash of salt and pepper,

black beans

can of enchilada sauce

tortillas

First cook the chicken in a pan  with Smart Balance Omega -3 oil. Cook with the Rotele tomatoes, (be careful and use it to your discretion in terms of fire!) After the chicken has cooked thoroughly, add the black beans, and the spices.  Remember, I don't really measure, I just taste as I go.  Add a bit of the cheeses to the concoction and then get ready to roll!!!  I spray a Corning Wear or Pyrex dish with Smart Balance spray.  Then I put the tortillas, one at a time on a plate and add the ingredients in the frying pan.. enough to make a round circle in the center of the tortilla. Then I put a little of the chopped spinach in the circle and top it with the cheese. Then I fold it and place it in the pan.  Do this with as many tortillas as will fit into the dish.  Leave a small amount of the chicken concoction to add at the end!  Once all the tortillas are wrapped and in the pan, I add the enchilada sauce to the rest of the chicken.  Then  place a small amount of spinach on top of the tortillas and  pour the enchilada sauce mixed with the chicken on top of the enchiladas.  I end by putting the cheeses on top.  You have to remember that the only thing that is actually a little bit unhealthy  for you in the cheese, so use your discretion on how much cheese you use.  Bake it in the 350 degree over for about 20 minutes until the cheese is a little brown.  It is a meal in itself!



RAINY DAYS AT THE ARK

Winter at the Ark has seemed more like Spring Has Sprung!  Don't get me wrong, I love rain at times, but come on this is ridiculous.  While most people just enjoy being inside and curling up to read a book, or watch TV while it is raining, if you own an Ark, you must learn to deal with crappy hair, mud, and frozen hands and feet.  During the rainy times, my boots are soggy that I keep by the front door.  There is mud everywhere, despite my constant cleaning, and I am forever feeling sad for all the poor babies that have to be outside in their stall (if they have one!) and dog houses.  When it is raining, the horses that don't have a personal stall gather with the goats and llamas and congregate in the center aisle of the barn.  When I go out in the morning, it looks like P. Diddy had a party in the barn!  Instead of beer cans and liquor bottles, there is lots of poop of all sizes!  Big "road apples", little "road apples" and lots and lots of very small "road apples."  I mean they are everywhere.  Usually one mischievous, and long necked character has managed to take all the halters, bridles, and lead ropes off of their hangers.  I won't mention any names..How could either one of these cuties cause trouble you ask?  Believe me, you "aint' seen trouble like these two can cause an Ark owner!  

Another cause of trouble on rainy days is Patches the Pit Bull Terrier...excuse me, she is a Staffordshire Terrier!  She doesn't like it when I call her a Pit Bull, but it is what it is.  She stays inside during the day, but she must go outside at times too, of course.  so she inevitably decides to roll, and "do her thing" outside by flipping over digging and several other antics that only she can do.  Our wonderful pet sitter, Dianne, swears that she has ADHD because she cannot sit still.  When I bring her in, she is usually covered in dirt or some other obscene object.  I try so hard to wipe her off, but she is a powerhouse and sometimes she just comes flying into the house!!!  Mud paws is what I refer to my kitchen floor as!  I am constantly mopping!  However, mopping is therapy for me, so I get to have a lot of therapy on rainy days!  Well, I think I will go and read my Nook for a while until some furry beast beckons me away from my sanity!  Perhaps I should go and make something healthy for dinner!!!  Recipe to follow!

Full Moon...Snow Moon at the Ark

Ok, so it is February 7, 2012 and what photo-op do I seize upon?  Well, this of course, mainly because of what it does to the creatures around here, excluding Harvard, who is only phased by Duke Basketball!  I was tempted to drag him outside and tell him that a giant basketball had escaped from Cameron Indoor Stadium and was flying through the sky.  This could have possibly dragged him away from the TV for a few minutes, but I seriously doubt it!

I go outside and take my photo and was amazed at how many coyotes I heard.  I could hear one down at the north end of our property calling to another one at the south end of the property. I have to admit that it was a pretty scary sound.  Gibbs, our Great Pyranees who is normally a  125 pound ball of furry sweetness, was  on full alert tonight and patrolling the entire fence line to keep the scoundrels away from our llamas, goats, and mini's.  Gibbs was appropriately named after Jethro Gibbs on NCIS, because he looks pretty darned laid-back, and would make a good kisser  (excuse me!) but he is all business and will certainly whack you on the back of the head if you act like a dumb fool and enter his property.  If I had my way, I would have 3-4 Gibbs to patrol but The Little Sweetie has made that impossible by bringing home 10 other furry beings.  The poor llamas were so afraid that they bedded down with our 39 year old pony in his stall.  He couldn't protect them if his life depended on it, but they are his best friends now so he might possibly make a little snort or stamp a hoof...but that is about it.   Coyotes.... hmmm... let's get rid of them.  Who the heck brought them here anyway?  Whoever they are, I am mad at them!   Until we get rid of them, I guess my poor big ole Gibbs will have to continually patrol .   Lord I love that big old sweetie But...can he protect us from this???Not sure....

SPIT Happens...or Holy Spit, not a Llama!!!

Surely you jest?  A Llama?  Really???  "But the Little Sweetie and her roommate really want one and they need homes." But, Marianne... a Llama?? "No, not one but TWO Llama's.  They are mother and daughter! How can I turn them away?"  "Easy!"  says the great Harvard.  So, listening, like I usually do when he imparts great Harvard logic to me, we now have two Llamas. 

So, off we go to rescue these two furry balls of mangled mess.  "Now what do we do?", asks the Little Sweetie.  "I would suggest that we attempt to drag their giant butts off the horse trailer somehow!"  They had very appropriately decided to lie down and refused to get up.  This was only our first experience with being new Llama Mama's. 

Llama's have a mind of their own and they do not, and I repeat emphatically THEY DO NOT have any sense of personal space.  Until one gets used to Llama's, they will be continually surprised and how they want to come right up and kiss you on the lips!!! These suckers don't care who you are either!  When they want to get to know you, they will make it very apparent!  They will chase you all over the pasture until they get a kiss!  Reminds me of my first date!  I was so scared that I didn't go out with a boy again for at least a  year!!!  I wasn't about to do this with our Llamas, so I kissed them back.  However, if I reached out to pet the Mama Llama, who the Little Sweetie calls Goat, she will make a gurgling sound and throw her head up.  If you don't duck, then you will get hit by a giant, and nasty hocked-up Loogie that only a Llama can produce.  I have learned that when one goes into the pasture, one must keep their hands to their sides or risk being hit by  a Loogie Missile!  My friend Beverly learned all about Loogie Missiles while her daughter was caring for our farm one weekend.  Mama Llama, a.k.a., Goat, chased her completely around the stall just missing her head several times with nasty missiles.  Beverly doesn't want to come and visit them anymore. Maybe she is smart.  They love men though.  Our friend Danny comes to visit and those hussies crowd around him and he can put his arms around their necks and they have yet to offer a Loogie to him!  Some hussies are just hard to understand.  But then again, I've read that Llamas practically STAY in heat, so go figure...

Mostly they are sweet though.  Sammie, my 37 year old pony was horrified of the long-necked Loogie Launchers when they first arrived, but now he beds down with them! Typical male!   Such hussies they are! Sammie is too old to care, so he is a perfect companion.  Secretly Sammie wishes that he were still a stud-muffin though.

Hey honey, do you want a couple of goats?

The goats were actually Harvard's doing, believe it or not!  My boy from Philly had a lovely husband and wife couple as patients.  They were in their 80's and had been raising goats for years.  "Well, doc, ya see ,we gotta coupla baby goats that need to be bottle fed cause their Mama died.  Wouldya consider takin 'em on?"  What is a kind and compassionate Harvard Medical School trained physician supposed to do?  He says, "Well, certainly!  I am sure that my wife and daughter would love that!"  So suddenly this turned into a full time "4-H project" without the 4-H!  Before we go and pick up our little bits, we stop off at our now favorite place; Cleveland Feed and Farm!  We get everything we need to start our new adventure.  We pick up the little tiny kids and bring them home in our car.  Goats in a car are interesting, but it is nothing compared to what we are about to encounter on the farm.  What we didn't realize, is that you must feed kids just like you do human babies, i.e. ALL THE TIME!!!  Well, of course the little sweetie, and her Daddy got to sleep in their nice warm beds while Mama goes out in the middle of the night to feed.  Mama's get the brunt of it all!  When will I learn?  Possibly never!  Heart bigger than brain, remember?  After about three nights, our only neighbors that we sold land to behind our barn in the woods call..."Ummm, Marianne...do we hear goats or are we going crazy?"  Well, at this moment, I knew that they were probably getting all upset thinking about goats and the possible smell and all.  I explained to them that, "yes we did, but the little male goat will be neutered when he was old enough so you won't  have to worry about the smell.  I knew that they were shaking their heads.  Now they were beginning to be very happy that they had planted large and fragrant bushes that would keep them from seeing our lovely barn.  I often feel bad for them having to put up with our beautiful (to us) creatures.  I thought maybe they would like them considering that they had done a lot of mission trips in Haiti where the barnyard creatures roam the streets.  By the way, they are the ones tht named our place The Ark.  The only good that has come to them in terms of us and our animals is that their grandson loves them. God bless children!
So, the baby goats were named Simba and Nala, after the Lion King characters.    They have been a super blessing and are so cute and sweet.  They love people because they think that they may feed them!  They love to untie shoes and sniff butts too!  Very interesting for our Veterinarian...

So, our next goat installment happened in a curious way;  When the little sweetie was in elementary school, I used to have to drive her to the bus stop.  She had to be at the bus stop by 6:45a.m., so I would often just drive her in my pj's.  I used to pray all the way to the bus stop on those days that nothing would happen to the car or I would die if I had to get out in my pj's.   One particular spring morning I was on my way back home when I discovered a little goat running loose in a neighborhood near our farm.  Well, being the rescuer that I am, I HAD to rescue this poor baby.  Trying to catch her was very interesting.  Mind you, that particular morning I was properly attired in my hot pink silk pj's.  So, throwing caution to the wind, I slam on the breaks, get out of the car, and chase the little rascal all through the neighborhood.  Sometimes when you have rescuing on your mind, your heart gets a LOT bigger than your brain!!  I finally catch her and put her in the van.  She bahhhh's all the way home and left a bunch of little 'goat  surprises' in the car for me! As soon as I get her out of the car, she jumps out of my arms, and down I go into the dirt, all the while screaming "come back here, you little hussy!" all the way down my driveway.  "Bahhhhh, Bahhhhhh, Bahhhh" she said!  I know that what she was really saying was, "Help me!  There is a crazy woman in pink silk pajamas after me!  She wants to cook me for dinner!"  Smhhh,  if she only knew that she was about to become the Goat Queen of The Ark!  About 3 hours later I get a call from my poor neighbor; "Marianne...I think one of your goats got out.  He is ramming up against my garage door!  Can you come and get him?"  I said, "Oh, no, my goats are in the fence."  THEN I remember!  Oh dear....another neighbor mishap.  Off I go to get the ramming goat!  It takes about 2 hours but my dear brother and I finally corner her and I am able to carry her to the farm.  Pat is shaking his head saying, "Ellie May ...Ellie May.. what are we gonna do with you, Ellie May?"  This little goat, whom the little sweetie named Apple is all grown up now and just as much of a pain in the butt as she was when I captured her in my pink silk pj's!  No more goats...well at least for a while.