Surely you jest? A Llama? Really??? "But the Little Sweetie and her roommate really want one and they need homes." But, Marianne... a Llama?? "No, not one but TWO Llama's. They are mother and daughter! How can I turn them away?" "Easy!" says the great Harvard. So, listening, like I usually do when he imparts great Harvard logic to me, we now have two Llamas.
So, off we go to rescue these two furry balls of mangled mess. "Now what do we do?", asks the Little Sweetie. "I would suggest that we attempt to drag their giant butts off the horse trailer somehow!" They had very appropriately decided to lie down and refused to get up. This was only our first experience with being new Llama Mama's.
Llama's have a mind of their own and they do not, and I repeat emphatically THEY DO NOT have any sense of personal space. Until one gets used to Llama's, they will be continually surprised and how they want to come right up and kiss you on the lips!!! These suckers don't care who you are either! When they want to get to know you, they will make it very apparent! They will chase you all over the pasture until they get a kiss! Reminds me of my first date! I was so scared that I didn't go out with a boy again for at least a year!!! I wasn't about to do this with our Llamas, so I kissed them back. However, if I reached out to pet the Mama Llama, who the Little Sweetie calls Goat, she will make a gurgling sound and throw her head up. If you don't duck, then you will get hit by a giant, and nasty hocked-up Loogie that only a Llama can produce. I have learned that when one goes into the pasture, one must keep their hands to their sides or risk being hit by a Loogie Missile! My friend Beverly learned all about Loogie Missiles while her daughter was caring for our farm one weekend. Mama Llama, a.k.a., Goat, chased her completely around the stall just missing her head several times with nasty missiles. Beverly doesn't want to come and visit them anymore. Maybe she is smart. They love men though. Our friend Danny comes to visit and those hussies crowd around him and he can put his arms around their necks and they have yet to offer a Loogie to him! Some hussies are just hard to understand. But then again, I've read that Llamas practically STAY in heat, so go figure...
Mostly they are sweet though. Sammie, my 37 year old pony was horrified of the long-necked Loogie Launchers when they first arrived, but now he beds down with them! Typical male! Such hussies they are! Sammie is too old to care, so he is a perfect companion. Secretly Sammie wishes that he were still a stud-muffin though.
The goats were actually Harvard's doing, believe it or not! My boy from Philly had a lovely husband and wife couple as patients. They were in their 80's and had been raising goats for years. "Well, doc, ya see ,we gotta coupla baby goats that need to be bottle fed cause their Mama died. Wouldya consider takin 'em on?" What is a kind and compassionate Harvard Medical School trained physician supposed to do? He says, "Well, certainly! I am sure that my wife and daughter would love that!" So suddenly this turned into a full time "4-H project" without the 4-H! Before we go and pick up our little bits, we stop off at our now favorite place; Cleveland Feed and Farm! We get everything we need to start our new adventure. We pick up the little tiny kids and bring them home in our car. Goats in a car are interesting, but it is nothing compared to what we are about to encounter on the farm. What we didn't realize, is that you must feed kids just like you do human babies, i.e. ALL THE TIME!!! Well, of course the little sweetie, and her Daddy got to sleep in their nice warm beds while Mama goes out in the middle of the night to feed. Mama's get the brunt of it all! When will I learn? Possibly never! Heart bigger than brain, remember? After about three nights, our only neighbors that we sold land to behind our barn in the woods call..."Ummm, Marianne...do we hear goats or are we going crazy?" Well, at this moment, I knew that they were probably getting all upset thinking about goats and the possible smell and all. I explained to them that, "yes we did, but the little male goat will be neutered when he was old enough so you won't have to worry about the smell. I knew that they were shaking their heads. Now they were beginning to be very happy that they had planted large and fragrant bushes that would keep them from seeing our lovely barn. I often feel bad for them having to put up with our beautiful (to us) creatures. I thought maybe they would like them considering that they had done a lot of mission trips in Haiti where the barnyard creatures roam the streets. By the way, they are the ones tht named our place The Ark. The only good that has come to them in terms of us and our animals is that their grandson loves them. God bless children!
So, the baby goats were named Simba and Nala, after the Lion King characters. They have been a super blessing and are so cute and sweet. They love people because they think that they may feed them! They love to untie shoes and sniff butts too! Very interesting for our Veterinarian...
So, our next goat installment happened in a curious way; When the little sweetie was in elementary school, I used to have to drive her to the bus stop. She had to be at the bus stop by 6:45a.m., so I would often just drive her in my pj's. I used to pray all the way to the bus stop on those days that nothing would happen to the car or I would die if I had to get out in my pj's. One particular spring morning I was on my way back home when I discovered a little goat running loose in a neighborhood near our farm. Well, being the rescuer that I am, I HAD to rescue this poor baby. Trying to catch her was very interesting. Mind you, that particular morning I was properly attired in my hot pink silk pj's. So, throwing caution to the wind, I slam on the breaks, get out of the car, and chase the little rascal all through the neighborhood. Sometimes when you have rescuing on your mind, your heart gets a LOT bigger than your brain!! I finally catch her and put her in the van. She bahhhh's all the way home and left a bunch of little 'goat surprises' in the car for me! As soon as I get her out of the car, she jumps out of my arms, and down I go into the dirt, all the while screaming "come back here, you little hussy!" all the way down my driveway. "Bahhhhh, Bahhhhhh, Bahhhh" she said! I know that what she was really saying was, "Help me! There is a crazy woman in pink silk pajamas after me! She wants to cook me for dinner!" Smhhh, if she only knew that she was about to become the Goat Queen of The Ark! About 3 hours later I get a call from my poor neighbor; "Marianne...I think one of your goats got out. He is ramming up against my garage door! Can you come and get him?" I said, "Oh, no, my goats are in the fence." THEN I remember! Oh dear....another neighbor mishap. Off I go to get the ramming goat! It takes about 2 hours but my dear brother and I finally corner her and I am able to carry her to the farm. Pat is shaking his head saying, "Ellie May ...Ellie May.. what are we gonna do with you, Ellie May?" This little goat, whom the little sweetie named Apple is all grown up now and just as much of a pain in the butt as she was when I captured her in my pink silk pj's! No more goats...well at least for a while.
So, "How does one come to acquire so many dogs?" I am often asked. I figure that this is their way of saying ,"Woman, have you lost your freakin' mind!!!" It actually isn't easy to acquire 12 dogs, nor is it easy to feed them, especially when most of them weigh over 65 pounds! 75% of the aquisition was, of course, the little sweetie's doing. I wanted 2 dogs, remember? It mostly happened after the little sweetie got her drivers license. Our lovely dogs are, a chihuahua,a bijon, a very bad cockerpoo, a large and very dopey Irish Setter, a Chow, a very smart and sweet Australian shepherd, a Great Pyranees ( I actually purchased him!) very bad black lab puppy that someone dumped on our farm, and 2 pit bulls... oh and 2 puppies of one of the pit bulls. Once little sweetie got her drivers license and I was no longer her chaffeure, the dogs started arriving. One by one.....or sometimes two by two. Little Sweetie knows just how to work her Mama... "Mama, look at this poor baby! OMG, she was so pitiful! I had to bring her home! " mama screams and yells a while and then falls in love. Remember my heart is bigger than my brain. However, Mama does have a limit, and by God, I have reached it! The little sweetie is away at college I have to do all of this work by myself now. Can be a tad stressful on the body and the pocketbook. One thing that I have learned about Pit Bulls. They really are misunderstood. You certainly have to know how to deal with them. Both of the Pit Bulls that she rescued are wonderful. I have to admit that I spend an enormous amount of time with them though and this has helped. The last one she brought home had been fought terribly and was just a mass of gashes, and blood. She was starving as well. She is the sweetest dog that we own now and definitely the smartest. However, she is NOT allowed out with any other dogs or animals. She was used to fight so I am not giving her a chance to ever do that again. She is a perfect house dog and everyone wants her. She is amazingly smart. 
Thank God we have the most perfect animal sitter for the farm on earth! She loves all of our animals and can't wait for her next time to come and care for them. I never worry about them when she is here. However, they do tend to find this time to get sick for some reason so she has often had to carry them to the veterinarian. I always suggest finding yourself a good pet sitter or either never leave the farm!
I have to admit, that when we first bought Misty in 1990, I didn't know anything about horses. Everything that I DID know I learned from my best friend, Conrad...which wasn't too terribly much. I knew that I needed to give them grain, and some hay, and make sure they had water, but that was about it. Boy was I in for a rude awakening. I didn't really like to ride because I had been thrown and hurt my back a few years earlier, but I did love them. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that some people are just better with horses OUT of the saddle. My friend, Gail, taught me that! Yea, Gail!!! So, I just basically had a yard ornament for a while. Then in 1995, Misty colicked and died. I tell you what, having any animal euthanized is traumatic, but having a horse euthanized is completely unimaginable in terms of heartbreak! They are such big, beautiful creatures. And those eyes!!! Thank God my dear brother, who referred to me as "Ellie Mae" (those of you that are at least 45 can possibly understand why), was here when we had to have my beloved Misty euthanized. Pat, who passed away in 2008, was my best friend and my greatest admirer, seemed to always be here when we had to have a horse put down. I couldn't handle watching it so I promptly went into my closet and cried and mostly prayed for God to not let it be painful at all. Pat, who was 13 years older than me would come and get me when it was over and he would be crying too. However, he would always say, "It's okay, kiddo. They are better off." Then here come the dreams of horses beautiful eyes! I am totally obsessed to this day with horses eyes!
In 1998 when my little sweet daughter was 6 she decided to start taking riding lessons. I decided that I wanted her to learn to ride English but I did know enough to realize that people who ride English tend to know a lot about how to STAY ON a horse! On Christmas day of 1999, we surprised my daughter (henceforth referred to as "the little sweetie" ) with a pony. His name is Sammy. When we purchased him, I had no idea that this would start such a downhill slide of our money! If you allow your daughter to ride English, you'd better be prepared to put money in the horse and watch it poop out hay at the other end! Believe me, unless you are a millionaire and win the Kentucky Derby, horses will cause you to go broke. But what can you do? Horses are for a girl like an insurance policy. They love their horse, they want to spend time with their horse, hence they tend to not want to take drugs because you sure can't stay on a horse while taking drugs, and horses are their main agenda! Be happy and broke that your daughter loves horses!
THEN the rescuing starts... A friend of mine started and runs a wonderful organization called, Stolen Horse International. They help to find horses all over the United States that are stolen or lost. Debbie called and said that there was a miniature horse that had been found in Hurricane Katrina lost and close to drowning in a field in Louisiana. "Can you take him?" Well, there goes my heart taking total control over my brain!!! "Of course!" Our life has never been the same with horses after that. Not only do we have rescued horses, but the little sweetie had to have a horse for Eventing, and for Hunter Jumper. If you have a daughter that loves horses and you don't want to be broke for the rest of your life, go with Eventing. It is a lot cheaper, but it is a lot more dangerous because in eventing, the rider jumps jumps out in the field that DON'T move!!! It is a lot more fun to watch though, and little sweetie loves it!!! They are forced to wear riding vests though, and they even have ones that inflate if the rider fall off. I am not sure how much good it would do if a 1200 lb. horse landed on top of them though. So, as a consequence, I do a lot of praying, closing my eyes, and literally begging God to help little sweetie and her horse.
"Hold on little sweetie..the jumps only get bigger!!!"
Little sweetie is almost 20 now and still totally obsessed with horses. The jumps will only get bigger and my heart will only get closer to a heart attack!!!! The girl is a totally fabulous artist and is going to a fabulous art school, but thinks that she is not very good at art and so little sweetie thinks she had rather major in HORSE ( Equestrian Management). Good grief, y'all!!
"Mama, I need to bring my friend "Froggie" inside for the night. He may get cold." "Mama, I found a lizard. His name is Lucky. He needs to come in and live in the bath tub." On one ocassion I came home, after being at the grocery store, to find that her Daddy had allowed her into the bathtub to play with a SNAPPING TURTLE! "Well, 'Harvard', I'll bet you didn't know that was a snapping turtle did you??" "No." Said the boy from Philly. Turtle went out into the woods as child screams..."MY TURTLE!"
As time went by, there were more and more animals that she brought into the house much to Mama's dismay. Turtles, lots of frogs, many many lizards. This was only the beginning. I can thank Steve Irwin for this...God rest his soul.
I must admit that the idea of rescuing animals was my fault. If we saw a dog in the highway about to get hit, we would bring it home and try to find the owner. They always went back to the owner somehow, but sometimes we would see them back out again, and that was very heart breaking. Another big mistake that I made was taking her into a pet shop. We have had one of every kind of animal that there is in a pet shop! Because I also love God's creatures, so it was really hard for me to say, "no." except for when she wanted a snake! Had to stop there!!! So, since the girl was about 3 we have had indoor animals, but not SO many! That all changed when she started wanting to learn to ride a horse. It was downhill from there.
And in the beginning, there was just me, my husband Don, and my Dobie, Scarlet. Jonathan, and Jeff, my beloved step-sons were away at college. A husband and a dog were great, however, my heart; having so much love to give that it sometimes feels like it may explode, decided to move to the country. We built a house by the river. Right before we moved, Scarlet passed away and so we decided that we would get another Dobie. We did and we named her Topaz! Wow! I said to my dear and patient husband, "Hey, let's get a horse!!!" and so we did. What a sweet horse she was. Her name was Misty. She, and Topaz fulfilled all my animal needs. Then someone said to me, "Well Marianne, if you have a barn then you need a cat!" I had a very good friend that needed to give her cats away to a good home, so Tigger and Oprah (yes she was rather large...sorry Oprah) came to live with us. Peace abounded at our small farm for a couple of years. There was no hope in Don and I having a child of our own. That was pretty darned sad, but I slowly got used to the idea of it. Don had made it clear that we would not have a child unless God virtually dropped one on our doorstep!!! He, being the good Harvard trained guy that he is figured that would never happen. Surprise!!! In February of 1992 I was outside figuring out just how to become a farmer, when the phone rang. "Mrs. Miller, a young girl has come into our office and has requested that we see if you are interested in adopting the child that she is carrying" Well, after I promptly fainted, it said, "OF COURSE!!" A wonderful and beautiful 6 months passed with me taking this young girl to the doctor, talking ,and of course me having a complete nervous breakdown and pinching myself wondering if this were real or a dream! Our sweet daughter was born in July and came home to live with us the day after she was born. Not many mothers can say that they cut their child's umbilical cord! With her arrival was the beginning of The Unexpected Ark!
